Recently some women friends and I were talking about “unholy ties”. This happens when relationships aren’t bound together in Love…but are bound together by control or fear or other unhealthy or insidious reasons. Having sex and becoming physically and emotionally entangled with a person that is not your spouse is an unholy bond. An adult child being dominated or controlled by a demanding parent is an unholy bond. A needy, energy draining friendship is an unholy bond.
Stasi Eldredge says in the book Becoming Myself, “When someone is worrying about you, angry with you, or judging you, when those emotions cause that person to obsess over you, hold conversations with you when you aren’t even present, that creates an unholy bond. ”
2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
That doesn’t mean avoid “unbelievers”. We couldn’t even if we wanted to! And we are meant to be the light in the dark world…to share the light! But it is very clear that we are not supposed to bond together with these folks…don’t try to build a bridge from your soul to their soul…not yet anyway. Not until their crazy-making days are done.
Picture a bridge from me to you. My heart is yours and your heart is mine. I bear my soul to you and you bear your soul to me. Does that sound good? Safe? Healthy? It could be if the bridge was Love.
But what happens when we try to build a connection with people who are “unbelievers”? What happens to the darkness that is in the “unbeliever”? Do you think that there is a magic filter that lets my light shine in but prevents their darkness from seeping over to me? That would be lovely, but that isn’t what happens.
What happens is the darkness…what I call “crazy-making”…DOES cross that bridge to my side….does bind itself to me if I let that bond be formed. “Crazy-making” tentacles hold fast and firm too!
As Stasi says, “With some people it feels as if they are sucking the life out of you. That is because they are sucking the life out of you.”
Do you know what I am saying here, people? Do you know how that feels? Do you do that to others? Do you feel weak so you try to find strength through someone else? Do you feel alone or empty or needy so you try to fill that void with someone else?
Well, that cannot be done. And when you are Light and you have people in your life that are Darkness, you will not be able to resist their “crazy-making” soul-sucking energy. That unholy tie must be broken. But how do you remove yourself from that potentially dangerous situation without rejecting that person?
Let’s think about it like this…if we are connected to other people by an invisible bridge…our energy crossing to them and theirs to us and there is no filter that we can jerry-rig to keep their “crazy”out, then let’s build a different kind of bridge. Let’s build a “draw-bridge” of sorts…reaching up …up …up. And to get to the other side everything must be hurled up…and up…and up.
Hurl can be a word associated with illness or an eating disorder. But the way that I mean it here is: ” to throw (something) with force: to say or shout in a loud and forceful way.”
First thing to do everyday…Hurl it to God. Everything that is going to happen…every conversation… every interaction… every problem… every blessing… everything… trust God that He is Sovereign … that He has anything that can happen under control. Trust too that He will be that” filter” from the other side. Trust that anything coming from the “Dark Side” will have to go through Him…up and up and up… before it comes down to you.
No day will be perfect because we live in an imperfect world. What peace to know that the Supreme Ruler of all wants us to give Him our day! … Him to take care of it FOR US. People, God is FOR US! Even if bad things happen to us, God can and will use it to the good. We have to trust that He will.
Hurl it. Hurl it up to God. Hurl up your prayers for others….Hurl up your prayers for yourself! Hurl up your concerns…Hurl up your Life! He will catch everything you give and say and He will do with it, out of His perfect knowledge and perfect wisdom and perfect vision EXACTLY what should be done. Everyday. Every minute.
What peace. What a burden lifted. He will take it from you….all of it….if you will hurl it to Him.
And a note of thanksgiving…When a bond between a man and a woman is holy it goes far beyond physical. There is a spiritual/ soul level connection. We can have those soul connections with friends also. Thank you, God for that kind of Light and Love. I know that it is a gift from You!